just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
