So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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