i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
