I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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