i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
