I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
