im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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