I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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