i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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