I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
