I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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