I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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