That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
