guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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