he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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