I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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