corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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