we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
