i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
