kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
