He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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