he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
