You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
