fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
