Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
