i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
