I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
