the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
