guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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