So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize