how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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