are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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