I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
