$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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