this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
