you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she peed on how many people?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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