Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
