I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
