So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
