i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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