why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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