She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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