Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
