I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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