I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
