I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
