Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
