My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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