Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
