We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
